


Simple

by Breac_Rosetta



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Gem Egg Hell, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 15:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4227783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breac_Rosetta/pseuds/Breac_Rosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We have another few weeks to take out whatever trash was left behind, get the Kindergarten up and running, and make a little deposit." Jasper tossed a cocky grin over to her partner. "It'll be simple."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Simple

**Author's Note:**

> Initially submitted as a gift for Gemshippingtrash on Tumblr, I figured it was about time to post it under my own name. It was written & set after the events of Jailbreak & Joyride.

 

"You're doing it again."

"I know that!" Peridot snapped. "It just...feels strange." She said as she slid a hand onto her belly again. The sensation wasn't unpleasant, just noticeable. She was always aware of their presence, the way they felt inside her.  It hadn't been very long and she could already feel the difference in size between them. "I still don't know how I let you talk me into four of these things."

"Hey, I agreed to have some too, remember?" Jasper said with a wry grin.

"Oh, yes, please remind me again how we decided I would carry four and that a hulking monster like you would only carry two?" Peridot drawled, waving one hand around in the air for effect. Jasper barked out a laugh and slapped Peridot on the back. She stumbled forward a few steps and turned around to glare daggers at Jasper.

"Trust me, it's more than fair." Jasper started. "The three of mine will be easy. Yours on the other hand..." At this Jasper lightly poked Peridot's midsection once. "By the end of it, you'll be glad I've got two of yours and you only had one." Peridot swatted Jasper's hand away.

"How much longer until we get to Earth, anyway?"

Jasper shrugged nonchalantly. "About a month. Then we have another few weeks to take out whatever trash was left behind, get the Kindergarten up and running, and make a little deposit." Jasper tossed a cocky grin over to her partner. "It'll be simple."  
  
*****

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Everything had gone wrong. Peridot gave a grunt as she stumbled once but kept up her pace. She couldn't stop running. She had to get as far away from the escape pod as she could. Peridot pushed and shoved her way through the field of strange vegetation, her gaze rapidly shifting between the display screen at her fingertips and the alien planet around her. She had no clue where she was, but Peridot knew where she had to go, the one place on the planet where Jasper would find her. The kindergarten. 

Peridot glanced at her display screen again and cursed quietly. It would take time to get there on foot, and she didn't have that much time left. As much as she hated it, running was her only option. So Peridot ran away from the rubble that would give away her location and quietly cursed into the night sky. She cursed the wretched planet she'd wound up on, she cursed the crystal gems who'd ruined her mission, and most of all she cursed Jasper.

"Jasper, what were you even thinking?" Peridot hissed.

*****

She'd really done it this time. 

Malachite screamed and fumed, tearing at herself in hate and fear. She thrashed against her shackles, issuing threats which were immediately swallowed into the sea and lost to the depths. Deep inside, Lapis held on tightly. Chains of water wrapped tight, crushing her and forcing them together, despite Jasper's resistance. The weight of the ocean held them in place, prevented Jasper from breaking free, kept her stuck as Malachite. 

Lapis' thoughts kept pushing into her. A couple thousand years worth of a grudge harassed Jasper from all fronts as Lapis kept shoving, kept forcing. As far as Lapis was concerned, Jasper was the epitome of everything that had gone wrong in her life. Lapis replayed memories of her past, as if it was supposed to make Jasper feel sorry for her. Taken prisoner and trapped as a mirror during the war, forced to live as a tool and then tossed aside, a forgotten relic. As far as Jasper was concerned, Lapis was a brat who was too stupid to know how lucky she'd been, and made sure Lapis knew she thought that way. Lapis responded by pushing harder, trying to overtake the last piece of Jasper still encased inside Malachite.

Jasper couldn't resist, not entirely. She had to hold on to the parts of herself still left behind from the fusion. She couldn't let go. All her energy went to salvaging what she could save of herself and keeping it apart from Malachite. As she shifted between Malachite and herself and Lapis, she could feel Lapis' mind leak into hers and for a moment Lapis felt them too, protected from Malachite inside what was left of Jasper. 

Lapis had never carried, but Jasper had done this many, many times before.  Jasper pushed Lapis out of her thoughts, but  fragments went with her, bits and pieces of memories, chunked into nearly indistinguishable bits  that still told Lapis more than Jasper wanted her to know. In the process, Jasper picked out a few fragments from Lapis' memory. Things about the form Rose had taken on, referring to herself as 'Steven.' In that moment, she despised herself. The toxic hate of Malachite seeped into her being, intermingling with Lapis as she hated herself for what she'd done.  
It was her own damn fault she'd ended up like this, and it was her fault Peridot was by herself on this planet. A tendril of self-loathing stabbed Jasper as she thought about it. Peridot. What would happen to her? A modern gem, she'd never been taught to fight, not the way Jasper had learned. She couldn't summon a weapon, couldn't transform, and without a destabilizer she was useless in combat. Peridot had always insisted it was fine; she didn't need such things for her work. Now it was different. She didn't have a planet's distance between her foes, and no robots or weapons to protect her. If these older Gems found her, they'd kill her.

Jasper knew this; that it was her fault. It was her conviction about Rose that had lead her to deviate from their plan, had lead to everything spiraling out of control. Now Peridot was by herself and Jasper couldn't protect her. Malachite seeped into her a little more and Jasper had to stop herself. She couldn't lose herself; not like this. Peridot was no one's  fool, and she knew something more important than fighting. She knew how to stay alive. 

*****

She'd finally made it. The mountain in front of her loomed up, shrouded by fog and encased in an unnatural stillness. Peridot couldn't think of any sight more relieving. This was the place her luck would turn around. Jasper should already be here, waiting for her. Peridot's pace slowed from a run to a walk as she entered the towering pillars of rock that marked the entrance of the Kindergarten. She placed a hand on her abdomen again. Even though it was silly, Peridot felt certain they had known how close they were before she did. 

They had started projecting two days ago. Jasper had explained it to her before, back when they were up on the ship, before anything had gone wrong and the eggs were still new inside them both. For a little while before they were ready to be laid, the eggs would start trying to project a physical form. It wouldn't be anything of substance, just a flash of light now and then. Even though Jasper had told her about it, Peridot hadn't been prepared for the first time it happened. A soft crackling noise, like static, then a two-dimensional, slightly pixelated and mostly transparent orange light had hovered above her belly for the briefest of seconds. It was strange and jarring, but Peridot had been completely enraptured and for that brief moment had been completely absorbed by the tiny thing inside her.

They all did it now from time to time and Peridot was always so entranced by them, seeing the flash of light and the gentle crackle of energy, knowing that it was coming from these tiny little things that were slowly developing inside her body and that eventually they'd be Gems, just like her. Everything about it was so surreal, it helped distract Peridot from the bigger picture. The fact that she was stranded, alone, on a planet uninhabited by any gems except a handful of survivors from the civil war that didn't take kindly to an attempted takeover. Or the fact that her only companion was nowhere to be found and that aside from a few tidbits of information Jasper had given her ahead of time, Peridot had no clue what she was doing. 

She rubbed her belly again, and this time it was hers that projected for a moment. Peridot let herself smile as she walked through the Kindergarten. Jasper was here somewhere. She had to be. Peridot's gaze swept from side to side, her eyes going over the holes in the rock and the tubular incubation drills which broke up the monotony of the landscape. Everything was quiet. It didn't surprise Peridot that Jasper hadn't attempted to turn any of the machines back on yet. There was no sense in giving away their position like that. Still, Peridot expected to see something by now, some sign that Jasper had made it here. 

She heard it off in the distance, the whirr and ping and flash of light that could only be a warp pad. Peridot tensed, a surge of anticipation and fear flowing up and down her body. Was it Jasper or one of them? She waited, head lowered and knees bent, prepared to run in either direction.  The fog was thick, the mountain silent. The moments passed, heavy and long. Cautiously, Peridot inched forward. There, to her right, she saw it. Still shrouded in mist, but the shape was distinctive.

"Jasper!" Peridot shouted, abandoning her fear as she rushed forward. A crack of electricity shot by her head, smashing a drill next to her. Jasper's body glows and hums and rushes towards her, shape changing and Peridot realizes it's a trap. She turns the other way, dashes past the drill and tries to flee before they spot her, but the long thin one, Pearl, runs faster and darts out of the mist ahead of her, spear in hand. Peridot whirls around and barely dodges a punch from the fusion gem behind her. The air rushes past her face and Peridot spins around, tries to get away from the larger fusion and past the smaller Pearl. She barely has time to run before Pearl bounds up behind her.

"Stop right there!" She commands, but Peridot still tries one last time to escape, turning once again, now even more disoriented, towards the cliff face and manages to get in two steps before Pearl fires another beam of energy from her spear that burns a small hole in the rock bare inches from her face. Peridot whips her head around to face her foes and she's staring down the shaft of Pearl's spear, the sharp tip planted on her forehead, on her gem. Trapped. She's trapped. 

"Don't move." Pearl commands, and Peridot tries to obey, but her body is shaking and her mind is dashing, filled with a million thoughts at once and she can feel her fear sink down into her stomach and it suddenly becomes like lead and multiplies, heavier and heavier because _they can't know_. Peridot silently pleads with the eggs inside her to stay still, for all their sakes. Garnet walks out of the mist and stands behind Pearl.

"Did you really think we wouldn't be monitoring this area?" Pearl asks, and Peridot says nothing, just stares at the spear and at Pearl. _Stay calm_ , Peridot tells herself. _Pay attention. Stay alive_. The fusion gem, Garnet, has her arms crossed. Face mostly hidden behind shades, her expression is nearly unreadable. But Pearl is different. There's a glint in her eyes, cruel and gloating. Peridot doesn't know about the other one, but she can work with Pearl. This is someone who wants to savor her victory. Peridot can use that. 

"If you bring me to Jasper-" 

"Jasper isn't in a place to do much of anything anymore." Pearl hisses, and the words nearly cut Peridot down. 

"What did you do to her?" she manages to croak.

"Jasper attempted to fuse with Lapis Lazuli and was pulled to the bottom of the ocean. She's trapped." Garnet explains, and a wave of relief rushes over Peridot. Lapis is a nothing. To someone like Jasper, it'd be a day's inconvenience, maybe more. Jasper is still on her way here, Peridot is certain of it. It was the thought of her that did it, or the relief perhaps. The moment is interrupted by a brief blip of static along with a flash of orange light around her waist. Peridot is panicking again as she sees them both recoil, stare at her belly and then at her. 

"You- You're..." Pearl doesn't say anything more but readjusts her grip on the spear and presses the tip against Peridot's forehead. Her lip curls and she glares at Peridot in revulsion. Peridot is frozen, she can't think of anything to do. Jasper isn't here and she doesn't have any way to fight back. She's completely at the mercy of these crystal gems and Peridot knows that's less than nothing. 

"Is this why you wanted to reactivate the kindergarten?" Garnet asks. Peridot shakes her head. 

"It was all Jasper's idea. She said...if we had to reactivate it anyway, no one would notice if we put some of our own in there."

"Well, your sick little plan was for nothing!" Pearl sneered, "The mainframe of this wretched place has been thoroughly destroyed. You'll never reactivate it." A stone dropped in Peridot's gut. Destroyed. The Kindergarten. Her eggs. What would happen to them? 

"How?" It's all she can ask. Another triumphant sneer from the gem in front of her. 

"Don't you remember? It was your robonoids that lead us right to the place." Another stone dropped inside Peridot.

"After that, it was just a  matter of hacking the system and blowing the place into a crater. The kindergarten will never run again."  Peridot glances over and sees Garnet cross her arms and look away. Peridot's mind is whirling. A chance. She has to take a chance. There's nothing else she can do. Slowly, slowly enough that the action isn't perceived as a threat, she moves a hand over her belly and strokes it once, twice. Two of them respond, hers and one of Jasper's, a tiny blip of light and sound. Even though it's a ploy, Peridot can't help but feel slightly calmed. The moment doesn't last long. 

"How many?" Pearl snaps, pushing the spear point against Peridot's gem again.

"Four" she answers in a monotone. 

"And Jasper?" Garnet asks. Peridot hesitates, but answers.

"Two."

Pearl and Garnet exchange a glance, but Garnet looks away again and Pearl focuses back on Peridot. The utter disgust and revulsion in her eyes bores through her like a drill, like the way her spear is posed to act on Peridot's gem. Peridot can see it in her eyes, they way Pearl is sizing her up, deciding whether or not this should be the exact moment she plunges her spear through Peridot and ends it all. 

"Just the two of you were bad enough, but this..." Pearl begins to push the spear against her forehead, making Peridot wince. "There's enough rogue gems running around on this planet. There can't be any more." There's a hitch in her voice and Garnet flinches, turns to look back at Pearl and Peridot. Peridot is trembling and gives a look of desperation once to Pearl and once to Garnet. 

"Please..." The word tumbles out of Peridot, falling uselessly. Pearl narrows her eyes and Peridot knows this is it. She readjusts her grip on the spear, inches it back ever so slightly in preparation to plunge it in. They both jolt when Garnet grabs Pearl on the shoulder and shakes her head once. 

"Just leave her." Garnet says, and Peridot can't begin to comprehend her own relief. 

"We can't just leave her like this!"  Pearl says as she waves her spear at Peridot.

"Yes we can, Pearl."

"No we can't! We all decided that there shouldn't be any more gems on Earth!"

"No, YOU decided that!" Garnet snapped and Pearl wilted under the words for a moment before turning back to Peridot and pushed her spear against Peridot's gem once again. She's rougher this time, and Peridot can feel the point of it grinding against her gem and she wants to cry because she's so sure she's going to die here and there's nothing she can do about it.

"So you really want more of...of her? More of Jasper?" Pearl spits the words out as she keeps pushing harder and harder against Peridot's gem and Peridot can feel the pressure mounting and it won't be long before her gem cracks. She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around her body, waiting for the end. 

"It's not your choice to make." 

Peridot feels the point slacken and she opens her eyes. The two gems are facing each other. Pearl is still holding her spear, but it's a few inches away from Peridot's body, the point now facing downwards. The tip of the spear is shaking slightly. Peridot is still holding herself, no less terrified. She watches them without daring to say a word, to make a movement. 

"You're saying we should just let her go?"

"She's no threat to us, Pearl."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do." There's a finality in Garnet's voice, a way she says it that makes even Peridot feel like it was an objective fact, not speculation. Pearl feels it too and turns once to Peridot, hate still burning in her eyes. No one moves. Then Pearl pulls her spear back and lets it evaporate.  

"Fine. Do what you want." Pearl turns her head away and walks off towards the warp pad. Garnet is still standing in the same spot, watching Pearl leave. Peridot sinks to the ground, pulls her knees up to her body and wraps her arms around herself, shivering in terror. Garnet squats down next to her and Peridot jumps slightly, turning to face Garnet. Garnet says nothing, and when the silence becomes too much for Peridot, she asks,

"Why did you save me?"

Garnet shrugs, but offers no explanation. A thought comes to Peridot. She should be thankful to be alive, shouldn't ask for more than that, but still...

"The kindergarten..." Peridot starts. "The main hub. Is it really gone?"

Garnet nods once. A lump forms in Peridot's throat.

"What am I supposed to do?"

Garnet grimaces once and stands up. Peridot follows suit, pushing herself up from the ground. Garnet starts walking away, and Peridot walks after her. It's a stupid decision; this gem could easily change her mind about saving her. Nevertheless, Peridot doesn't know what else to do right now. She calls after Garnet, who's walking with one hand along the side of the cliff face. Garnet finally stops at a section relatively free from holes. Peridot stops and watches from a few feet away. Garnet touches the side of the mountain, draws back a fist, summons her glove, and punches straight through the cliff face. She pulls her glove out, leaving a large hole behind. She does it again a bit farther off, then again, until there's a total of six holes, all side by side. Before Peridot has a chance to say anything, Garnet turns back to her.

"Have you ever done this before?"

Peridot shakes her head once, still in disbelief. 

"Jasper was going to show me how to do it."

A slight curl at corner of Garnet's mouth forms when Jasper's name is mentioned. She takes a deep breath and begins.  
"The projections will get more common, and they'll hold a better form for a longer time.  You'll be able to feel when it's time. Put each one in a hole right after they're laid." She points over to a drill. "Smash one of those, and fill the hole with the plasma."   

"Will that really work?" Peridot asks.

"It's your best shot."

Peridot is about to ask more, but Garnet shakes her head and walks off.

"It's up to you now," she says as she disappears into the fog. 

 

Peridot is alone again.

*****

She lost herself. 

Jasper had tried too hard to break free, struggling and cursing and letting the rage and toxin build up in her until she realized it was too late, that she'd let Malachite overtake her and all it took was a moment for Malachite to take everything. 

Jasper lost herself and she lost them too. 

The fusion was complete; she was all Malachite, and Malachite was nothing but poison. She could feel her connection to them weaken and finally sever, settling down in her, impossibly heavy. Nothing but inert stones.  They were gone. Malachite screamed into the ocean, her voice trapped in bubbles that rose and popped and was lost in the dark.  
So Lapis wanted to be connected to her so much? Fine. If she wanted to be a part of Jasper so badly, Jasper would oblige. Lapis thought she could make Jasper feel bad with her hack sob story? She knew nothing. Malachite pulled the chains around herself tight. Neither one of them was getting away, not until Jasper had her say. Before Lapis could do anything, Jasper opened herself up to her, and Lapis knew everything. 

Lapis saw herself back on the ship, in her cell, but everything shifted and suddenly she was Jasper, talking to Peridot. It was one in a long series of conversations about the eggs. Jasper had wanted them from the start, had said and done everything to convince Peridot to carry them. It had reached a point were Peridot was willing to try, but only if Jasper did too, and Jasper had refused. She had made excuses, issued bribes, done everything to get Peridot to go it alone, but she had refused. Either they both did it, or neither did. Finally, eventually, Jasper had agreed. 

Jasper didn't tell Peridot. She didn't want to.

Jasper didn't tell Peridot that she had promised herself she wasn't going to do it again. She didn't tell Peridot why she didn't want to carry her own anymore. She didn't want Peridot to know the truth just yet. Reality shifted again, and she was back thousands of years, back during the war. 

The explanation for it all was simple. Jasper's body was big. Her eggs were small. Homeworld needed as many soldiers as they could get. Jasper was loyal to her homeworld. 

It hadn't bothered her at first. Physically, it was barely more than a minor inconvenience.  Carrying them and laying them wasn't the problem. The problem was that Jaspers were reckless and foolish, mistakenly thinking their strength was all they needed. They never realized a helmet was no protection against an arrow in the back. 

Or an axe to the torso. 

Or a hammer to the skull.

For all her inherent brashness, Jasper had learned early how to stay alive in combat, how to control her impulse to dash into the heat of battle, ignorant of the situation around her. The only way she'd survived was by being tougher and smarter than those around her. She had tried to explain that to them. Time and time again, she'd take them aside, tell them not to be stupid, to stay still for a second and _think_ if they wanted to stay alive. And each time they'd ignore her and when the battle was over for the time being and survivors grouped together, there would be one less Jasper. Sometimes more than one less Jasper. Sometimes she would come back being the only Jasper. Again. 

It was a war. Everyone made sacrifices. It was for a greater good.

Jasper never believed it; not really. But it won her favors from the brass, and for a while that was enough. 

Reality shifts again, and she's in the middle of a battle. _That_ battle. Swords are clanging, gems are breaking, fusions are fighting and dropping and cannons are firing and she's in the thick of it, smashing her way through the traitors that cross her path with the gem by her side. They look alike, but not identical. There's a second's break in the fighting and Jasper turns to smile at her. This one's different. Still young, still green, but smart. She listens to Jasper, sticks close by and follows her commands. They kept fighting until someone yells and points.

Rose Quartz.

She's on the battlefield this time, shield in one hand and a sword in the other. Some gems are protecting her, but they're all side tracked in their own fights to defend her. For a moment, she is alone, unguarded.

 It's too easy.

 It's obvious to Jasper, who's been in combat long enough to know how to spot a trap. But her child doesn't see that; she only sees the rebel leader. Only sees an opening. She dashes off and Jasper starts yelling at her to stop. Another gem tries to slice Jasper and she has to halt, grab them and smash her helmet into their gem before she can run after her. Jasper is yelling at her to stop, _stop you idiot it's a trap, why don't you see that_? Jasper is running after her but she's close to Rose, so close it almost seems like she could make it, could challenge her head on. Then the vines come up from the earth, wrapping her legs and bringing her smashing down in front of Rose. She rises up on her arms and Jasper is screaming at her to get up and run but one quick thrust of Rose's sword through her head, through her gem, and it's over. 

Jasper stops and Rose Quartz looks up at her, meeting her eyes. Rose knows what's she's just done. Jasper can see it in her face. But all she does in response is narrow her eyes and dash off to the next battle. Jasper doesn't chase her. The vines are gone. There's just a small, diamond-shaped gem, neatly sheared in half. That's the moment when Jasper is sick of it. She's tired of sending them off to die pointlessly, reduced to nothing more than cheap cannon fodder. She won't do it anymore. 

Jasper tried a few more times after the war ended. She thought that maybe they'd have a better shot after the fighting was finished and they'd get some time to learn how to control their recklessness. The result is always the same. Her oldest hadn't made it past a century. Jasper stopped trying.  

Truthfully, she hadn't thought about it for a long time. Six thousand years was a big chunk of time, even by gem standards. Peridot's new assignment at the Earth kindergarten had gotten her thinking about it again. The rebellion was over. Earth was an out of the way place. It would be safe. Jasper had already been involved with Peridot for a while. When she had asked Jasper to come along as backup on her mission, it had seemed like the universe was giving her a sign. She could try again.  
Everything was going to be fine.

  
Still, Jasper didn't want to do it herself. It would be fine, she knew it would be, but Jasper still wasn't ready to carry her own eggs again. Not yet. It was why she'd finally suggested a compromise; if Peridot carried her eggs, she would carry Peridot's. Peridots would be different. They were smart, cautious, but still tough. They'd have a better chance. That's what Jasper had told herself.

Lapis tried to pull away from her; she'd had enough, didn't want to know more. Jasper wasn't done. Not yet. Jasper hadn't hated Rose for what she'd done. Lots of gems died in war; it wasn't personal. At least, that's what Jasper had told herself up until she saw Rose's new form. Her new form, small and weak, looking helpless and refusing to fight back. Jasper had been so certain that Rose remembered what she'd done in that battle and that she knew Jasper was trying again and was mocking her for it.

In that moment, Jasper so utterly despised her it swallowed up everything else. Rose Quartz, the ultimate hypocrite. The gem who tried to take the moral high ground and pretend she was so wonderful, such a good leader and a good person for defending the gibbering, hairy bipeds on Earth. Like she deserved praise for starting a civil war that lead to the whirlwind of gem slaughter. Rose, who had the gall to act as if her hands were clean when she'd been the one responsible for all the death, all the atrocities. 

Jasper had been so utterly certain that Rose had taken on this 'Steven' form as a jab against her. It was a reminder, a taunt, and a threat. It was wrong. It was sick. So Jasper deviated from her original plan, blinded in her conviction that Rose had done it specifically for her. Except that wasn't the case. Seeing through Lapis' eyes, Jasper understood everything. 

Now Peridot was on her own, possibly dead. Jasper was trapped at the bottom of the ocean, and her eggs, her children were gone. Again. It was all her fault. Malachite screamed, and Jasper hated herself.

*****

Jasper was right.

In between the panting and the squirming and the straining, Peridot kept thinking it to herself over and over. Jasper was right. It was her egg that was giving her trouble. Jasper's eggs passed without a hitch. It had been so easy that Peridot had allowed herself to think Jasper had been exaggerating the difficulty involved. Of course Peridot understood that a bigger gem meant a bigger egg, but surely hers couldn't be that much of a difference. 

"Come on, you!" Peridot grunted. "Just come out already!"

She'd been very, very wrong. Peridot knocked the back of her head against the cliff wall in frustration. Arranged in a small pile by her side were Jasper's eggs, tiny and orange. Peridot looked over to them, hoping to distract herself. The projections were far more detailed now; a rough sketch of a physical body, complete with head, torso and limbs. Sometimes they could hold their form, still fuzzy and translucent, for almost a minute. Peridot reached out one hand to touch them and they all responded, their holographic images swirling and moving and blurring in and out in response to her touch.

Peridot finally understood why Jasper had wanted to do this so badly. It was so surreal and fascinating and despite everything she had gone through, Peridot loved them. Even the stubborn one that was still fighting to stay inside her. Peridot began stroking her sore belly again. She should have learned how to transform when she had the chance. Jasper was right about that too. If she could tweak her body just a little bit to make things easier... well, no changing the past now.

 Peridot hit her head against the wall again and groaned loudly. Jasper. Where was she? Peridot began to think, not for the first time, that she had been deceived. That the crystal gems had killed Jasper and made the story about Lapis up. It just didn't make sense to Peridot why Jasper would take so long to get to her. She should have escaped long ago. Where on Earth was she?

"Jasper..." Peridot whimpered.

*****

"COWARD!" Jasper screamed.

"YOU COWARD!"

The ocean roared and crashed against the shore, unheeding. Jasper stood and screamed it again, loud enough for Lapis to hear it all the way at the bottom of the sea. Protected by the water, safe from harm. Safe from responsibility. Malachite had caused Jasper to lose her eggs, but Lapis hadn't wanted to deal with the aftermath. She let Jasper go to deal with it on her own. Malachite unfused, Jasper was pushed up onto the shore, and Lapis stayed back in the briny depths. Jasper screamed at the ocean, at Lapis one more time before collapsing on the sand.

She held her hand above her abdomen, let in waver in place a moment, then balled her hand into a fist and punched the ground. As much as she had made fun of Peridot for doing it, the truth was Jasper had enjoyed stroking her belly too. She had done it whenever Peridot wasn't looking. She had savored it, the connection between her and the eggs and way they felt nestled inside her. 

 Now Jasper couldn't help them anymore. She sighed once, stood up, and began walking away from the beach, towards the only place she could think to go.

*****

Jasper wasn't coming.

Peridot had to face the truth. If Jasper hadn't arrived by now, she wasn't ever coming back. She stared blankly at the holes in the cliff face. Four of them were filled, two were empty. After the last one finally, mercifully allowed itself to be laid, Peridot had been reluctant to incubate them. She had held the eggs in her arms, cradled them up to her body and watched them flash and hum and quiver. She wished she didn't have to put them in the earth, wished they could finish forming by themselves so she didn't have to part with them. 

Even after they came back out, Peridot didn't want to leave them. That had been the initial plan,  to lay the eggs and leave, letting them intermingle with the new gems formed by the Kindergarten. As far as Peridot was concerned, the plan had gone up in a flaming wreckage anyway, why not change it a bit more? She wasn't sure how it would work, or how she would explain it to the authorities once she went back home. All she knew was that once the eggs hatched, they were coming with her. She would just have to watch over them in the mean time. 

She had done exactly as Garnet had instructed. Each one went into a hole, which was then filled with plasma from a freshly broken drill. The plasma had hardened overnight, forming a protective seal. All that was left was to wait. It was two days later when Peridot heard the warp pad activate. She jumped to her feet, body already quivering in fear. The crystal gems. They'd come back to finish her off. Well, if they wanted to take her out, she was going to put up a better fight first. Peridot picked up a broken leg from the drill, and clutched it the way she'd seen Pearl holding her spear. She crept forward, towards the warp pad. 

There was a familiar form standing there, back to her. Pathetic. Did they really think the same trick would work twice? Peridot didn't see Pearl; she must be hiding somewhere close. Peridot crept closer, and the large gem turned around to face her, eyes opening wide.

"Peridot..." Jasper murmured.

"JASPER!"

She dropped her makeshift weapon and ran towards Jasper, dashing up to her and embracing her as much as her small arms could allow. Jasper didn't hug her back. She was holding something in her arms, curled up to her chest and hidden from view. Peridot looked up, felt a rush of excitement, and began pulling on Jasper's arm.

"Come on! Let me see them! Were they as big as mine? What are their projections like?" Peridot is smiling and practically bouncing up and down. Jasper is alive, and here with her, and she's got the other eggs. It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be-

"Peridot..." 

Peridot stops tugging at Jasper's arm and looks up at her. Something's wrong. She lets go of Jasper and steps back. Jasper looks at her, tries to say something, to explain, but nothing comes out. She looks down at her arms, holds them close one last time, then lets Peridot see.

They're small. Smaller than they should be. Oxidized like copper, there's a pebbly texture to them, with cracks and chips dotting the surfaces of them both. They're white and light green, and look like they've spent thousands of years battered by the sea. They're almost unrecognizable. Peridot blinks once and steps back, uncomprehending. She looks to Jasper for answers.

"I'm sorry."

Jasper wasn't ready to let go, not yet. She feels the self-loathing rise up in the back of her throat and it tastes like brine. Peridot doesn't say anything for a while, just stares at them. Finally, she walks back up to Jasper and wraps her arms around her. Jasper returns the gesture, holding on to Peridot tightly. When Jasper finally lets go, Peridot gently tugs on her arm. Jasper follows her without a word.  

They come to the spot on the cliff face where Peridot stored her eggs. Peridot, still holding onto Jasper's arm, watches her reaction. Jasper stares at them, then pulls her arm out of Peridot's grasp. She places hers in the two empty spots, then turns back and embraces Peridot again, holding her tightly. 

"I thought you died," Peridot whispered into Jasper's chest.

"Same." Jasper murmured. The minutes pass. They both sit down, facing the wall. Peridot sits between Jasper's legs, her back resting against Jasper's massive chest. Jaspers arms wrap loosely around her. It's been so long since Peridot felt safe. Still, there's a lingering weight in the air. Peridot tries not to look over to the open holes.

"Tell me about yours." Jasper says, breaking the silence. "What were they like?" Glad for the distraction, Peridot goes into detail about her eggs, when they started projecting, what they looked like, how it felt, and of course Jasper can't help but chuckle a little when Peridot tells her how difficult hers was to lay. 

"She's already as stubborn as you, huh?" 

Peridot snorted and looked upwards at Jasper.

"Please. If anything, being that difficult proves she's yours!" Jasper laughs again, and it feels a bit easier. 

"How long do we wait now?" Peridot asks.

"A while." 

"That's a helpful answer."

Jasper smiles, and Peridot can't help but smile too.

*****

They wait.

Some of the time it feels good. They sit together, thankful to have survived their respective disasters. Thankful to be back together. Jasper tries to make peace with herself, with the situation. She's dealt with worse than this in her long life. Peridot is okay, Jasper reminds herself. She still has four eggs left. It will be okay. It's not perfect, but it will be okay.  
During some of the time, Peridot allows herself to relax. She lets herself be wrapped up in Jasper, closes her eyes, and lets down her defenses completely. After everything she's gone through, being able to simply feel at ease is a blessing in itself. At other times, Peridot can feel herself practically trembling with anticipation. She wants to see them complete their formation so badly, wants to meet them all for the first time. Her mind runs wild with the possibilities of what they will be like; how they'll look and act and talk. She can't wait for the day they turn into proper gems.

It seems like it's taking forever.

They keep waiting. Peridot isn't sure when she became more anxious than excited. She asks Jasper how much longer they'll need to wait, and Jasper says not much longer.

One day Jasper embraces her tightly again and Peridot knows they don't need to wait any more. She stops trying to think about what they'd be like.

They keep waiting anyway. 

Finally, Jasper gets up and walks away. Peridot doesn't turn around, she just listens and keeps her eyes glued on the holes. She feels the rumble of the earth reverberate up her body as Jasper demolishes the cliff opposite to her, hears the clang and crash of the drills being tossed and broken, the sound of rocks being hurled and smashing far away. The ground rumbles and it feels like the earth is collapsing underneath her and Peridot finally looks away from the holes. She lowers her head, curls her knees up to her body, and says nothing. She listens to Jasper, destroying the remnants of the kindergarten.

Jasper half sits, half collapses next to Peridot. Peridot uncurls herself enough to look over to Jasper. She's blinking quickly, her chest heaving in heavy, ragged gasps as her body shakes and quivers.

"Are you okay?" It's a stupid question, and Peridot knows it. But at this moment, she can't think of anything else to say. Jasper takes a while to answer.

"I'll live." Jasper pauses. "This is nothing new." She turns to look down at Peridot. 

"And you?"

Peridot doesn't answer. She's not sure what to say; how to express the muddled sense of confusion and loss and unreality. Part of Peridot tries to tell herself it really isn't too bad. She and Jasper are fine. It's not like they were even Gems, really. It's not like she really knew them...But she wanted the chance to know them. The eggs were Jasper's idea but Peridot wanted them too. They were so close and after everything she went through, everything they managed to survive, it doesn't seem right, doesn't seem correct. Peridot can't shake the feeling that she's staring down the wrong end of some great, cosmic equation and all she has to do is find the missing piece of information and everything will sort itself back into place. The kindergarten will function, her eggs will hatch, they'll all go back to homeworld... all she needs to do is find the missing piece, and it's something obvious, she knows it, but she can't for the life of her figure out what it is. 

But that's stupid and she's stupid and there's no good answer. Not for any of it. So she doesn't answer. Jasper lets Peridot be, and they wait a little longer. Jasper eventually gets up, and Peridot slowly follows suit. 

"What now?" Peridot asks. Jasper shrugs. 

"We'll figure something out" she says.

"You make it sound simple." 

Jasper forces herself to smile weakly over to Peridot. 

"Sometimes it is."

Peridot manages to smile back.


End file.
